just tryna live my life & be the best I can be

livin'lin

An 18-year-old girl with with a mind full of dreams, thoughts and loves.

Your Body Does Not Define Your Beauty

wpid-2015-11-07-09-11-38-1-jpg2.jpeg

I, myself, have always had a high amount of self-esteem ever since I became aware of who I was and who I wanted to be which was about 2 years ago. There are obviously times when I do feel insecure about certain traits due to others and myself (comparison and over thinking kills), but most of the time, I do feel good about myself.

During the past 3 months, I have gained weight. I gained about 20 lbs due to excessive eating and lack of time to exercise since I have a busy schedule and I also wanted to see if I could "get big until I saw some kind of change" just because I've never really gained a lot of weight before. The reason I didn't change anything in my routine (like making time to exercise) was because my body was one of the last things I cared about. I was content; I have been thinking a lot about my future, what I want to do, and it's all been super great.

Recently, two of my family members have been calling me the word that is so fragile to place upon a person's body, the word "fat". The first time they called me fat, I laughed and brushed it off. Yeah, I gained weight, but I'm happy with life, I'm being shameless and doing me, and working towards some big dreams.

Now, the second time they called me fat was a few days after I started eating healthier alternatives and getting back into exercising daily. This time, I called them out and told them that it's rude to say that, trying to imply that the word can seriously mess with a person's self-esteem, but of course, I lost the argument and got a lecture. I ended up going to my room and bawling my eyes out for a rough 15 minutes. I put my headphones on and blasted music. I kept telling myself "You are more than that, you are more than that, you are more than that." Eventually, I stopped, and I decided to write this.

The reason I was more effected the second time was because I was in the process of making change. I knew I was eating healthier, not over eating, exercising daily, and even seeing some change, yet I still hurt like crazy. It's over now, and I will just continue on with the healthy modifications I made for myself. Now that I think about it, it's kind of silly how I cried, but this is what I mean by "times where I feel insecure."

I decided to share this story because I know that everyone goes through similar situations. I never hated my body, because the love I have for myself, and the worth I feel from loved ones (even if it isn't your family at the time) always overpowers the hate that I could have on myself. It's incredibly important to surround yourself with good people who love you for you.

To myself and others that go through the experiences of body shame (which I believe to be everyone at one point your life),

You are more than the words people place on you. You are more than labels, more than the number on a scale, more than that moment you ripped your favourite pair of jeans (RIP), you are MUCH MORE. I'm saying this for myself and for others; your body, your weight, your overall look, does not and SHOULD not define the beautiful person you are. I mean, if you have made an impact on someone's life when you were healthy, after gaining weight, does that accomplishment have any less value than it did when you were healthy? Your body will change, but your character will not- that is if you stay conscious of who you are. IF YOU NEED THAT ALONE TIME WITH YOURSELF THEN YOU GO.

What people will remember you by is your character and not your look. From this experience, I absolutely did learn the importance of eating healthy, exercising, and seeing what happens when you don't make time and make a change in your routine.

Move on because

You Are More Than That.

Whatever "that" is.

(I hope I'll get to write some more, I miss it so much.)

Spreading the love that speaks louder than words,

Lindsey