just tryna live my life & be the best I can be
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A girl with with a mind full of dreams, thoughts and loves.

Grateful In Advance

At the beginning of the year, I imagine and write down my visions for the year -- what I want my home life to look like, my career/education, and my relationships. 

My personal manifesto for 2019 states:

In 2019, I want to invite more ACTION upon my never-ending curiosity. More “I did this” instead of “I wish I had done this.” More moments of listening to my intuition and trusting that even if the destination isn’t what I’d expected, it was where I needed to be. 

I want to feel like I do right now. Grateful, loved, & free-flowing.

Past the halfway point of 2019, I can say that this year has taught me a lot about patience. I think that North American society projects the opinion that being patient is equal to doing nothing. Because of this notion, I think that doing nothing and being patient is more difficult than taking action and trying to control outcomes. Society also suggests always pushing toward the next step. Even if something takes months or years to achieve, a frequent question from others to your accomplishment is “So what’s next?” Man. I just want to breathe for a bit. However long that will take, I will know. 

With that being said, the first half of this year has been about detaching myself from these expectations from people of all ages. They tell me what to do or assume that I need their help when I let them know that I’m just flowing with the insight that I’m taking in from reading books, listening to podcasts, or going out with or without friends. I’m still out here experiencing life if you want to know what’s up. 

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This year has been very significant to my growth. Contrary to what others expect of me, I’ll keep staying on my path, magnetizing the opportunities and people meant for me to have at the moment. This is my life now and this is who I am now. Everything is what it is and there are pros and cons to it, but regardless, I will try my best not to fight with the Universe when it comes to what I want.

In contrast to other years of being physically distant from others, I’ve grown so much with exploring the depths of my mind. I feel like I'm in a relationship with myself, and out of all the relationships I've had with others, this one has been the most loving and caring one. I listen to my body more, when it tells me to eat better, to move more, or to sleep more. I follow my intuition easier when it comes to second-guessing, because as soon as I second-guess, I know I’ve already strayed from what I know is right.

I carry a vision of what my future looks like, but I am open to how it will present itself to me. I embrace the unfolding.

I have to give a special thank you to this year. I am forever grateful and grateful in advance for what I know and what I have yet to know. A recurring lesson for me has been patience. I always have dreams and goals I aspire to reach and my mind naturally thinks “on to the next one, on to the next one” — but this year, I hold myself back for my own well-being. Maybe it’s my age or maybe it’s that I’ve been doing the internal work this whole year; what I wish for can only be gained through the checking-in of my emotional state and from making healthy choices for my mind, body, and soul. I always hope to remember these words:

I emit so much love and strength; especially when I don’t feel like I do.

May I transmute the energy of waiting to one of trusting nature and gratitude that everything is part of a greater unfolding I have yet to grow into and understand.

I’m thankful for the quiet moments teaching me that what I need to learn and experience shows up when it means to.

Life happens while breathing and being with knowing that I’m doing my best.

As long as I’m breathing, something is always happening. As long as I’m breathing, there’s always something I am thankful for.