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A girl with with a mind full of dreams, thoughts and loves.

Live Authentic: You Aren't Always The Victim

As I was reading “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz, I came across a passage in a chapter that said,

The real mission you have in life is to make yourself happy, and in order to be happy, you have to look at what you believe, the way you judge yourself, the way you victimize yourself.

The key word that stood out was ‘victimize.’ How often do you have the guts to tell yourself that it’s your fault? How often do you find yourself blaming others for hurting you?

It took me a damn long time to realize that the world does not revolve around me. Maybe it’s because I’m technically an ‘adult' now and I’m growing out of the teenage phase where the typical mindset is that no one understands you and you have the constant feeling of the world being against you. Maybe I’ve woken up or maybe this book has really changed me, but whatever it is, I’m starting to see everyone more as human beings just trying to find their place in the world.

Though I’m very skeptical towards my own decisions, I like to think that people are inherently good in comparison to being selfish and making choices only if they benefit them. I used to think that people were inherently selfish and that no one really cares about me, but that just poured toxicity into my life, as I’ve started to judge the decisions of the people around me. There may exist people who live like that or maybe we can even find ourselves making decisions based on selfishness, but I decided to give the benefit of the doubt and assume that other people, especially when helping me, are doing so because they’re being kind.

It takes a great load of love and respect for yourself to realize that you may be the culprit in your situation. It’s easy to fall into a mindset that everyone is out to get you, that life isn’t fair, and so on, but I have become a strong advocate for changing your perspective on your current dilemma and taking your own actions into account.

Ironically, Youtuber Lilly Singh, aka Superwoman posted a little something on her Facebook page that somewhat has to do with the concept I just introduced.

No matter how much someone has hurt you, how obvious you feel their mistake is and how much you believe you deserve an apology, that doesn’t mean you’ll get one. In an ideal world, everyone would be remorseful when they hurt someone but in the real world, people aren’t always on the same page, not everyone thinks like you do and to be blunt, not everyone likes taking ownership. So what do you do?

Are you going to make a fool of yourself and seek revenge? Or are you going to use the time it could take you to formulate a vengeful plan and use it to work on yourself and move on?

Personally, I have wasted so much time on being angry and sad, whilst waiting for a response or some kind of apology, when I could have used all that time to shape myself into someone to whom I could be proud. There is great power is owning up to your actions, whether you meant good or bad -- sometimes, we hurt others when we don’t mean to, and instead of explaining how you meant no harm, taking responsibility for your decisions is what will help you focus on moving forward.

I’m not saying that you should stop putting yourself first before everyone. Nor am I saying that all the issues you have in your life are your fault. What I’m saying is that you must remember that we’re all human beings who are making decisions which can be interpreted as good or bad in each individual's mind. The part that matters most is how you take situations and use them to shape you, and to water your progress as a human being.

If you find that you’re constantly victimizing yourself, that whatever coping mechanism you’ve been doing for the past few years has not been working, look deeper within yourself and change your point of view towards your situation. We are ALL human beings. We all have our own ideas of what is okay and what is not and we are all capable of making mistakes. No one is perfect in this world and though you’ll hear that so many times in your life, really think about it and apply it to how you perceive others.

Remember that ultimately, it’s our decisions that shape us into becoming who we want to be. 

An authentic and genuine life grows like a study tree. And like a tree, it grows slowly. Every time you make a different and better decision, it grows a little. Every time you choose to do the right thing, even when nobody would find out otherwise, it grows a little. Every time you act with compassion, relinquish your right to strike back, take a courageous stand, admit fault or accept responsibility, it grows a little.
— Steve Goodier