just tryna live my life & be the best I can be


A girl with with a mind full of dreams, thoughts and loves.


When I came across a Humans of New York post on Facebook, I proceeded to read the caption along with the photo as I always do. I'm not sure where I'm at now with my faith, but with all that's been going on inside my head that has to do with what the hell I want to do in my future (though I think it's a pretty common subject in most graduates minds), I felt like I was supposed to see this. United Nations? Human Rights? Empowering women? Protecting children? His aspirations are almost exactly like mine and for a few months, as each day is one step closer to walking through the doors of University, I've been hesitant not only about what program I'm going into, but most importantly, what I really want to do with my life.


When I had an epiphany back in October 2015, I was almost certain that I wanted to do everything I could in order to become a UN Ambassador. Not only was I greatly inspired by Emma Watson's works as a UN Goodwill Ambassador, I've always had a sympathetic feeling towards people around the world and even people in my own city who are in unfortunate states and situations that just touch me to the point where my fury turns into this passion I have within me to change the world and make an impact. 

I'm already enrolled for my classes this upcoming fall term at my post-secondary school and the program I choose to major in is International Relations. The HONY post came out of nowhere and it depicted my innermost feelings and fears I have with what I'm getting myself into. What if I can't find a job after all the hard work I'll put into this dream of mine? I don't have any expectation of receiving a career I'll enjoy right after I receive my degree, but will I able to complete the 4 or 5 years? It's all too much for me all at once and I know I'm not the only one in this boat of confusion and curiosity. 

When it comes down to it all, the most realistic answer I could give if I'm ever asked about my future is "I have dreams and passions and I'm motivated, but... I just don't know what to pursue". There's so many things I love to do and I find that being a problem for myself. My mom even pointed out once that the fact that I want to do absolutely everything makes it extremely difficult for me to succeed very well in one discipline. I just feel so limited when there's literally so many doors that are open for me. I'm extremely grateful that I can go to school and I can write and think freely. I want to make my parents proud, I want to make myself proud and happy... even my heart is a huge mess, because it doesn't know what it wants!

Moreover, this post really doesn't have a concrete ending. I just wanted to share this because I feel like since the majority of my readers are fresh high school graduates like myself, we'd relate well. I kind of don't know what I'm doing, I'm just going with the flow. As I presented in my 2016 goals, I'm always (well, almost) choosing happiness. With this school stuff I've gotten myself into, well I'm going with the flow with that as well. There are questions I can answer, like YES I want a degree (I just don't know what program), YES I want to make an impact on a large group of people (hopefully the world), YES my passion to protect humans is still alive, as well as my passion for writing... there are many things I'm sure of with the same amount of things I am unsure of. That is where I'm at right now when it comes to my future -- this is why I get all mumbo jumbo when people ask me about it. If you're going through the same situation as me, I wish you nothing but clarity and motivation to keep on moving forward even though you don't know what the hell you're doing like me.