Journal #2 - *screams* I'M SO DONE
So... it's been a while and I need to let ish out! (Since this is a journal post, my writing is less clean and formal, which means that I have a lot of stuff to say and can't form it into the usual posts I publish.)
This post has been worked at for over a week, so not everything is entirely accurate (like my homework situation, which is a good thing), but I decided to not delete anything as it had contributed to my present feelings. It's funny 'cause my last journal post's title was as outrageous at this one (Journal #1: *screams* I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS) and also, the featured photo doesn't show the REALNESS you're about to encounter which may or may not show how savage I really am. Anyways, I'm just so stressed out right now and tired of everything. I should be doing homework at the moment as I am behind in all my classes (not because I'm lazy --something happened to my eyes!!), but writing helps ease the tension that I have between my mind and heart, which right now, are telling me that I need to breathe, relax, and calm down.
I JUST WANT TO CRY. Do you ever wish you could cry for hours and hope all of your problems go away? Because that's been me for the past month. Yeah, life has been giving me mostly bad experiences and obstacles these weeks, but the months before that, after September, have been absolutely amazing. I'll write about that one day, but right now, I just feel like writing about the bad. We're so used to seeing only the good things that happen in people's lives in social media anyway, but unless you're reading Livin'Lin, then you'll take a look at the good, the bad, the amazing, and the horrible experiences that not only I go through, but we all go through, but are too scared to talk about publicly.
I don't even know where to start with this and a few people probably have somewhat of an idea of why I'm so done. In all aspects of my life, stress keeps on accumulating every single day whether it's because I can't keep up with those responsibilities due to these responsibilities or because I keep overthinking each and every situation which gives me anxiety and enables me from actually taking action. I honestly don't even know what I'm gonna do from this point --all I know is that I'm so done.
UPDATE: I JUST REBOOTED MY PHONE AND IT'S STILL MESSED UP. I'M SO DONE. LOL. Over last weekend, my phone had been experiencing techhnical difficulties... such as my battery draining 85% in 4 hours without me even touching it or the WiFi/data being on. It has also been randomly restarting itself at least three times a day and not connecting to WiFi and/or going on and off. I went to see a specialist earlier this week and found out that it's getting old, but I guess it's not too bad that my phone is dying because it does serve as a heavy piece of distraction in my life and there are obviously bigger problems that give me a better reason to be heated...
SIDE NOTE: I apologize, but I don't at the same time if my inner feelings of being so done and tired of everything have been coming out as me being salty or stubborn, but honestly, no one is bound to stay one vibe forever. I do know that this will pass and it's just one of those life moments when you're easing into a stage of realization, though instead of being cool, calm, and collected, it's a more direct and aggressive way of acknowledging and cutting out all that's bothering you.
Yesterday, I went to this shop with my mom and little brother to possibly get my prom dress alterations all done and have went through a not very pleasant experience. Basically, what happened was that my mom and the lady working there were talking about how I should go on a diet to fit better into my dress and were going on about how I gained weight to which I spoke out for myself in my best "stay calm, but speak with conviction" voice, because I couldn't just stand there letting them insult my body in that manner. I literally replied to the comments they told them with "The problem isn't my body, it's the dress. I'm not going on a diet and changing my body just to fit into this better. I love my body." And to be completely honest, ever since I wrote my post Your Body Does Not Define Your Beauty back in November, I've been maintaining a positive and loving relationship with my body and I'm proud of myself at how I handled the situation.
More problems that aren't necessary mine, but have to do with me have been going on, although I can't and don't want to talk about them publicly, but all in all, I'm just so done with everything. I'm so done with people not treating me with respect, equality, and kindness, which I believe are universal necessities when it comes to communicating with others whether they're strangers, friends, or family. I'm so done with people being fake towards one another and I'm just edging to see more REALNESS and literally cut the phoniness, because NO ONE deserves to be treated without sincerity. We're all trying to live our lives as best as possible and hopefully all striving for happiness, and I just can't take ALL THE ISH that life keeps throwing at me as if I did something completely horrible.
Okay. I think that's all. I really needed to write as it's been forever (due to school and work taking over my life), but either than the savageness or realness (or however you want to describe this post) you've just read about, I HAVE been planning something extremely special for my blog who's 1 year anniversary is in about a month! I don't want to say much, because I want it to be a surprise, but all I'll leave as a hint is that I very much see myself writing in the future, and what's next for Livin'Lin just advocates to that statement. I guess I'll also say that I'm going to be working with another talented artist and I'm super pumped!
Thanks for sticking by side through thick and thin! <3